It’s been years since I’ve felt alive, but I’m trapped here by the terror of what I’d leave behind.
I am the void alive. I am devoid of life.
Absent God, you owe me answers.
What do I do when I wish myself gone?
Where do I turn when I’m dead in my head?
Track Name: World Dims
Coerced into living, evolved to endure.
Learn to ignore the sentience that makes living unbearable.
I reject everything that makes me a human.
Numb to the world, head heavy and hanging.
I’d be better off an incognizant animal, dead to the agony, dumb to the futility.
Instead I lay plans that I know I shouldn’t make.
I still form bonds when I know they will break.
I still feel love when I know I should hate.
Should down bottles of pills then just lie down and wait
for my vision to blur and my heartbeat to quake,
for my head to go numb and my limbs to shake,
for the overwhelming pain to finally abate,
for the shackles of life to disintegrate.
Consciousness is a curse.
Every thought is a thorn, rending its way out of my brain.
Pop the lid off that beautiful bottle. Swallow the contents and sigh with relief.
Complete absence of a will to live. Apathy, self-preservation denied.
Frothing from the mouth as my stomach clenches, lying on the floor choking as the world dims.