World Dims

from by Lesser Life

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Coerced into living, evolved to endure.
Learn to ignore the sentience that makes living unbearable.
I reject everything that makes me a human.
Numb to the world, head heavy and hanging.
I’d be better off an incognizant animal, dead to the agony, dumb to the futility.
Instead I lay plans that I know I shouldn’t make.
I still form bonds when I know they will break.
I still feel love when I know I should hate.
Should down bottles of pills then just lie down and wait
for my vision to blur and my heartbeat to quake,
for my head to go numb and my limbs to shake,
for the overwhelming pain to finally abate,
for the shackles of life to disintegrate.
Consciousness is a curse.
Every thought is a thorn, rending its way out of my brain.
Pop the lid off that beautiful bottle. Swallow the contents and sigh with relief.
Complete absence of a will to live. Apathy, self-preservation denied.
Frothing from the mouth as my stomach clenches, lying on the floor choking as the world dims.


from Suicidal Ideation, released October 7, 2016



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